Comparing ourselves to others is natural, and in healthy moderation, it helps us grow. Today, however, in the online world, it often becomes a trap that destroys self-confidence and mental health. We delved into this difficult but current topic with psychologist Andrea Fejová, who helped us explain why teenagers and young women are most vulnerable on social networks, what consequences the cult of perfection has, and what each of us can do for a healthier relationship with our own body.
Body image is a big topic that is increasingly influenced by the online world. Especially on social media, we see only perfect faces and bodies. How do you think this changes the perception of one's own body?
I think that social media distorts our perception of the body not in terms of what it is, but in terms of what it should be. In the past, we also compared ourselves, but at most with dozens of people from school, from a club, or from the neighborhood – that is, with a reality we actually saw. Today, we compare ourselves daily with thousands of women and men, and a large part of the images are retouched and adapted to unrealistic ideals. Gradually, we lose the idea of what is still natural and achievable. This radically changes our perception of our own body – we are more critical of ourselves, self-expectations increase, and endless possibilities of "being perfect" open up. In the end, however, this often does not bring satisfaction, but rather frustration, doubts about our self-worth, growing perfectionism, or anxious behavior.
Comparing ourselves to others is natural for many people. Why do we have this tendency? How does it actually arise?
Comparing ourselves is natural and has always been here. Maslow and Festinger already pointed out that one of the basic human needs is the desire for growth and self-development. People naturally evaluate themselves by comparing themselves to others. To grow, we need to know where we are better and where we still have room for improvement. Ideally, we set a goal, and after achieving it, we stop and allow ourselves a feeling of satisfaction. In this sense, comparison helps us – to survive, to move forward, to be better off. The problem arises with the advent of the online world, where this mechanism has spiraled out of control. Social media constantly exposes us to so-called "upward comparison" – that is, with people who look, live, or seem more perfect than us. Consequently, instead of rejoicing in our own successes, we see someone who is even further ahead. This triggers an endless cycle of comparison, which is extremely exhausting and, over time, devastating for mental health. Therefore, it is important not to forget that comparison must also have its limits – otherwise, instead of helping us grow, it will start to destroy us.
Many photos on social media are edited or even unrealistic. So we often compare ourselves to something that doesn't even exist in the real world. To what extent are we aware of this? Does our awareness or lack thereof affect our subsequent perception of how we look?
The extent to which we realize that photos on social media are often edited or unrealistic depends on several factors – for example, on how consciously we compare ourselves to others, what our attitude towards social media is, and whom we follow. If we passively consume content and primarily follow celebrities or influencers presenting perfect lives, we often look at ourselves through an unrealistic filter and our expectations unrealistically increase. Conversely, if we are aware that these are edited images and at the same time are careful about whom we follow, we can perceive ourselves more realistically. Such an approach supports self-acceptance, reduces internal pressure, and prevents us from being drawn into an endless pursuit of perfection.
I'm glad that today we see more and more influencers who reveal reality, neither embellishing nor simplifying their journey, bringing "behind the scenes," or stopping using filters, thereby contributing to a healthier body image.
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What negative consequences can constant comparison have on our self-esteem and overall mental health?
Truly fatal. In practice, I encounter a whole range of consequences – from fatigue and psychosomatic problems to a strong inner critic, perfectionism, and loneliness, all the way to anxiety and panic attacks, depression, or eating disorders. In isolated extreme cases, they can even lead to suicide. I dare say that if the founders of the online world knew what impact their discovery would have on society, they might never have launched it.
An interesting opinion. The impact is huge, especially on more vulnerable individuals. In connection with social networks, it is said that this mainly concerns teenagers or young women. Is this true? If so, what is their vulnerability?
Teenagers and young women are indeed more vulnerable to the pressure of social media. Teenagers are in a period when their identity is forming, and they do not yet have a fully developed opinion of their own. They learn a lot from what they see around them and easily adopt patterns or norms presented online. Young women are historically and culturally influenced by the belief that their value depends on their appearance. Personally, I think that in Slovakia, remnants of upbringing like: "just be pretty, otherwise you won't get married" can still be heard, which put body image on a pedestal, even though a healthy self-worth should be based on completely different values. These factors increase the tendency to compare oneself, the pressure for perfection, and can negatively affect self-esteem and mental health for the rest of their lives.
It's challenging to avoid this pressure today, as few people can completely disconnect from social media. How can we still develop a healthier relationship with our own body?
It's important to choose small, sustainable changes and start gradually. We can stop and consider what on social media hurts our relationship with our own body the most. Based on that, take specific steps – for example, reduce the number of accounts we follow that offer a distorted reality, focus on those who show the world as it is, or on those who support our mental health and positive body image.
Many of my clients create their profile as an "archive" of their own successes and changes, which they can return to when they doubt themselves. In addition, spending time in reality, meeting people, and talking about these topics helps. When setting goals, we learn to realistically appreciate our achieved steps and gradually realize that being imperfect is okay. It is challenging, but very rewarding – it significantly improves the quality of life.
Often, it is useful to consult a specialist who will simplify and speed up the process.
What would you recommend to people who have trouble accepting themselves as they are? Do you also have advice for parents or teachers to help young people who feel pressure but don't fully understand the seriousness of this issue yet?
I recommend talking about it and not being afraid to do something about it. Many people struggle with self-acceptance today, so it's important to turn to an adult, teacher, or professional. For parents and teachers, I recommend openly talking with children, asking specific questions, and observing how they think about the topic. For example: "What do you think about some photos being edited?" Proactively opening discussions and explaining ways to cope with pressure gives children a valuable foundation – even if they don't use it immediately, they will know where to turn when such situations arise.
We would just add that we are very grateful for the interview full of inspiring thoughts and practical advice. And if you want to learn more about Andrea's work and life, don't forget to follow her Instagram.
BIO
PhDr. Andrea Fejová is a trained psychologist, certified coach, and therapist in systematic training. She primarily helps her clients with relationship functioning and coping with breakups, but also with discovering inner worth and creating a life in harmony with their own needs. She also focuses on the topic of personal growth, self-worth, and self-love. In addition to sessions with clients, she balances between emails, exercise, books, coffee, and an occasional struggle with perfectionism, which (as she admits) still thinks it knows what is best for her.
