Let's be honest, being a mother is beautiful, but also truly challenging. Huge changes – in life, socially, and initially hormonally – can really shake a woman's psyche. And since we want to talk about this and contribute to the mental resilience of mothers, we reached out to psychologist Mgr. Natália Zajacová, who explained to us what the role of a mother entails, how to better understand it, and how to make it more pleasant and easier – whether in its very beginnings or during major milestones, such as a child starting nursery or kindergarten and the mother returning to work.
Motherhood is a challenge for every woman. Some adjust to it longer, some find it natural, but weak moments cannot be completely avoided. First, it's about getting used to a completely new life, but each period brings changes that require adaptation. How can one not lose oneself in this constant and rapid whirlwind and maintain the greatest possible mental well-being? After all, research also speaks of motherhood as the most stressful "profession."
Motherhood is truly one of the most complex and demanding tasks women face. For example, research by developmental psychologist Sarah Schoppe-Sullivan compares motherhood to the level of a highly stressful job. However, unlike traditional jobs, motherhood has no working hours, breaks, or weekends. We mothers are "on duty" 24/7, physically and psychologically for the entire life during the first years of a child's life.
The key to a woman not losing her identity and mental balance in this role is to pay attention to several crucial aspects. Based on my practice with parents, I would identify 5 basic aspects that, if incorporated into motherhood, can prevent burnout, anxiety, and emotional instability.
"The maternal role requires a great deal of mental strength, and this cannot be drawn indefinitely."
- The first is time for oneself, and thus the constantly reiterated self-care. It doesn't have to be a two-hour session at an expensive salon; even small acts of care like a nightly routine of a face mask, walking the dog, 10 minutes of exercise, or reading 5-10 pages help us contribute to mental balance. This is because the maternal role requires a great deal of mental strength, and this cannot be drawn indefinitely without regular replenishment. Therefore, it is important to find your own source of recharging it and apply it as habitually as, for example, brushing your teeth in the morning.
- The second, no less important, aspect is the ability to set healthy boundaries. It is important that we are in line with our needs. Setting boundaries means not only refusing lunch at the mother-in-law's, who exerts psychological pressure due to the insufficient presence of grandchildren, but also dividing and delegating household chores, not succumbing to societal pressure, and so on.
- Some clients often cite loneliness as the factor that troubles them most. It is beneficial to create a community of people, or mothers/women, with whom we share our joys and worries during the current period. Social support reduces perceived stress and helps manage emotionally challenging situations. If you're not the type to rush into group pram walks, group exercises, or yoga sessions, you can be part of a virtual community. This era offers us many opportunities to belong somewhere while remaining anonymous and being just a passive observer. Creating a network with other mothers helps alleviate stress and feelings of isolation.
- The penultimate aspect is personal development and self-realization. Motherhood is a significant part of a woman's identity, but not its complete definition, so set goals. Weekly, monthly, yearly, any milestones that will be achievable for you. Do you enjoy manual work? Set a goal to create herbal seedlings. Do you like baking? The goal could be to bake one cake a month that you haven't tried before. Do you feel that your vocabulary has significantly weakened during maternity leave? The goal is clear, read one book every two months. There are many possibilities for self-realization, it is important to set an achievable goal and stick to it.
- The last aspect is the acknowledgement that failures, doubts, regrets, mistakes, or not being perfect mothers, are a normal part of parenthood.
Our tip:
Any self-care routine is excellently supported by functional ingredients, vitamins, and minerals, which every busy mom will surely appreciate and welcome. Have you already tried our Care Water BALANCE with magnesium and iron to make your evening with a book more enjoyable or as a hydration boost after a walk or exercise? Don't forget that all our drinks are suitable for pregnant women and breastfeeding mothers.
They say that not just a baby is born during childbirth. A mother is also born. Is this important information to keep in mind? Does realizing one's new role and the fact that we will never live as before help in adapting to a new life?
Yes, that's exactly right. The mere realization that a mother is also "born" with childbirth is immensely important for the process of adapting to this new life and social role. Psychology understands this change as part of identity that significantly transforms us, and this transformation is an inseparable part of a mother's self-identification.
Research, such as the work by Dushová and Schoppe-Sullivan from 2021, confirmed through hypotheses that accepting a new identity helps mothers better manage the stress associated with motherhood. Also, according to Erikson's well-known theory, a woman enters a new phase in motherhood where she must integrate old and new parts of herself, which is essential for creating her new holistic identity. Understanding this process makes it easier to grasp the fact that changes are part of our growth. Although life will never return to the same tracks, through adaptation to this role, a woman enriches herself with a new dimension that includes love, care, and stronger personality resilience.
A big challenge is definitely a child starting nursery or kindergarten and the mother returning to work. How can this change be made as easy as possible? Can one prepare for it in advance?
A child starting nursery or kindergarten and the mother returning to work simultaneously is a big challenge for the family, but as with any challenge, there are ways, or techniques, to make it easier.
One of the most proven methods from my practice is gradually familiarizing the child with the new environment. A helpful tool can be the introduction of a new routine – a consistent schedule that will be similar to the one upon starting. A proven and popular technique with clients during the adaptation period is, for example, a book with pictures of activities, spaces, and teachers that await them. One of the recommendations for parents is also to teach gradual separation, for instance, through short visits to the kindergarten in advance, which allows the child to get acquainted with the environment and establish initial relationships.
Another important step is age-appropriate communication. Ideally, short and clear information without unrealistic expectations. It might look like this: "Sára, when you wake up from your nap, I'll come for you." This can be followed by a short – always the same – greeting or gesture. This creates a sense of security and predictability for the child.
It is less appropriate to reassure the child about things we cannot be sure of: "You will have lots of friends and nice teachers at kindergarten." We do not know if the child will actually have friends, or if the teachers will be nice to them. We always tell children only clear points: "Whenever we come in the morning, there will be children and teachers at kindergarten." The child's readiness for kindergarten varies by individual, and it is good to observe the manifestations of their social and emotional maturity.
Regarding the mother's return to work, it is important for her to realistically assess her expectations and prepare for the possibility of various emotions – from joy and enthusiasm to feelings of guilt or anxiety. The first step is to create a stable support system, which includes not only reliable childcare but also support from her partner or family, who will be helpful under the pressure associated with returning to the work pace. It also helps to start with a part-time job or flexible working hours. Mothers should also set realistic goals and be gentle with themselves to avoid overload, maintain mental well-being, and prevent burnout syndrome.
The flip side of starting nursery or kindergarten, and later school, are definitely illnesses. Combining care for a sick child with work and running a household is extremely demanding. Most often, it's impossible without the help of loved ones and a supportive employer. Is it even possible to keep a cool head in this constant merry-go-round and pressures from all sides, and manage everything without harming one's own mental health?
Combining childcare for a sick child, work life, and household duties is indeed a challenging situation that often leads to exhaustion, increased stress, and irritability, negatively affecting not only the mother's mental health but also the household. As I mentioned, an important factor is the mother's ability to set realistic expectations and accept this demanding process as part of the child's natural development. It is common for a new environment and regular contact with a group to increase the likelihood of illnesses.
It is advisable for mothers with children during maternity leave not to unnecessarily avoid groups, but on the contrary, to gradually and actively build children's immunity already during this period. There are various clubs for children from six months old, such as children's exercise, swimming, playrooms, etc. Even stroller walks and time outdoors with regular physical activity have a significant impact on children's immunity.
Regarding the reconciliation of work and family life, in an ideal world, proper and mutually respectful communication with individual adaptation of working conditions is essential. However, if we are not in an ideal scenario, it is important for mothers to seek alternative solutions to alleviate stress, such as sharing responsibilities with their partner or other family members.
Even in this case, it is very important for mothers not to neglect their mental well-being. We can do this through regular walks, during which endorphins are released, improving our mood. Walking also helps regulate serotonin, a neurotransmitter associated with feelings of happiness and well-being. Regular outdoor exercise also reduces symptoms of depression and anxiety.
Breathing and relaxation techniques are also helpful, and we can practice them virtually anywhere and anytime we start to feel overwhelmed. They activate our parasympathetic nervous system, which relaxes the body and helps us respond to stressful situations with greater calm. You can try, for example, the breathing technique from Dr. Andrew Weil. Its goal is to reduce stress and anxiety, promote relaxation, and improve sleep quality. The breathing exercise consists of the following steps:
- Inhale through your nose for 4 seconds.
- Hold your breath for 7 seconds.
- Exhale slowly through your mouth for 8 seconds.
Repeat this cycle at least three times or as needed.
It is important to remember to find time for rest, and also to acknowledge that it is not possible to be perfect in all areas of life.
Our tip:
Don't forget that as a busy mom, you also need to think about yourself and your health. A tasty and effective way to provide your body with the vitamins and active ingredients it needs can be functional drinks suitable for breastfeeding mothers. Supplementation with vitamins or other substances is especially important for new breastfeeding mothers. Discover our portfolio of delicious healthy drinks that will happily help you with this.
What are your experiences? What do mothers most often turn to you with? In what aspects of motherhood do they have the least confidence?
One of the most common issues mothers bring to consultations is dealing with feelings of guilt and insecurity, especially when they start to perceive themselves as "not good enough" mothers. Many of them lack confidence in their ability to raise children properly or worry that they won't be able to balance their role as a mother with work and personal commitments.
Another very common topic is the difficulty of adapting to new life circumstances, especially after returning to work from maternity leave. Clients often feel they have to be perfect in all areas of their lives, which leads to exhaustion and increased anxiety. They often ask themselves whether they are good enough mothers, whether they are giving their children what they need, whether they have set boundaries correctly, or they are afraid of whether they themselves are healed from the traumas of their own childhoods so as not to pass them on to the next generation.
A frequent point of consultation is also the reduced self-regulation of mothers, which leads to subsequent yelling at children or resorting to physical punishment. This feeling of disagreement with one's own role is linked to persistently high societal norms and external expectations.
Every woman is unique, and something different helps each one unwind. While one vents through exercise, another finds solace in a good book or a spa visit. Do you think there is a universal "cure" that suits most and can be incorporated into the life of even the busiest woman—a mother?
I don't think there's a universal "cure" that suits every woman, because each of us has different needs and preferences. Nevertheless, there are techniques that even the busiest woman can incorporate into her daily life. Sometimes, it really only takes a small step, such as parking the car one street further and instead of rushing home/to work, taking a walk. Even this small moment helps relieve tension and increase blood flow to the brain. Another easily executable technique is the aforementioned 4-7-8 breathing, which is very effective and doesn't take much time.
"A mother is a human being, not a robot, and she deserves space for rest and regeneration."
I feel that motherhood is often taken lightly. When a woman doesn't cope with it in any way, she's seen as strange. After all, our grandmothers, their mothers, etc., raised dozens of children and managed without unnecessary complaining. Many don't realize that the accelerated pace of life has brought new challenges and pitfalls to motherhood. Not being afraid to talk about them is the first step, but sometimes it's not enough. What would you say to mothers who feel exhausted, lost, or perhaps stuck in one place and see no way out of their situation?
There's no shame in admitting – reflecting that we feel exhausted, lost, or stuck at a certain point. In fact, it's completely normal, as motherhood today involves not only childcare but also the need to cope with the demands of professional life, household chores, social expectations, and the constant stress and pressure of society. Our era, partly due to unrealistic glimpses into others' lives through social media, brings with it a constant need to be perfect, which leads to overload and psychological exhaustion.
Many of us, despite this pressure, are often afraid to ask for help because we feel we can't cope, or that we don't meet social norms. However, it is very important to realize that seeking help is a strength, not a weakness.
If a woman feels lost or on the verge of exhaustion, the first step is to talk to someone she trusts – whether it's her partner, family, a friend, or a professional. In some cases, it is more than necessary for a mother not to be afraid to seek professional help from a psychologist or therapist, who can provide her with support and techniques to improve her mental health. A mother is a human being, not a robot, and deserves space for rest and regeneration.
Finally, I would send a small message to every mother: Being a perfect, yet exhausted, mother is not an indicator of success. Therefore, let's allow ourselves to be kind and considerate to ourselves and our needs. And if we feel that we are not okay, it is perfectly fine to seek solutions and support.
We would just like to add that we thank Natália for the interview and insightful thoughts. If you are interested in these topics and want to learn more about them, you can follow Natália on Instagram or find the necessary information on her website.
BIO
Natália Zajacová is a psychologist specializing in working with children and supporting parents in understanding their needs and emotions. After completing a single-subject psychology degree, she gained valuable experience in the social and legal protection of children department, where she helped families in crisis situations and children find a sense of stability. She worked in a children's home, a hospice, and the Philipp Pinel psychiatric hospital, where she dealt with patients with various mental disorders.
In science and research, she focused on mothers and women during pregnancy, motherhood, and upbringing, addressing topics of anxiety management, emotional experience, and the challenges these phases bring. The knowledge and experience gained are now also applied in seminars for mothers, focusing on topics of postnatal depression, emotional support, and coping with challenging situations in parenting.
Currently, she works as a psychologist at a school and provides consultations to parents and children in private practice. She leads webinars in conscious parenting, which have helped hundreds of families better manage the challenges associated with parenting, children's anger, and emotional regulation. Throughout her career, she has helped over 650 children and led over 30 professional webinars. Natália also actively participates in creating professional articles on child development, emotional regulation, and topics related to parenting.
